Support
Crisis contacts, articles and further reading for men navigating separation, high-conflict relationships and coercive control. Free, and nothing here requires you to have contacted us first.
Understanding and healing from coercive control: a guide for men
A longer guide covering what coercive control is, why it's hard to recognise from inside, the barriers men face asking for help, and first steps.
- What coercive control is, and how it differs from ordinary conflict
- Common patterns: being made to doubt your own perception, isolation, financial control
- Why it's harder for men to name and to ask for help
- What tends to help, and where to start
This guide is being finalised. In the meantime, the articles below cover the same ground.
Understanding what's happening
Recognising a pattern is often the first real step.
What post-separation coercive control can look like for men
How controlling behaviour can continue after a relationship ends, through legal process, children, money or the systems around a family, and how it differs from ordinary post-separation conflict.
Read the articleLearning to trust your judgment after emotional manipulation
Why the habit of doubting your own read on people and situations outlasts the relationship that caused it, and how that trust rebuilds.
Read the articleHow to avoid repeating the same relationship pattern
Why the same relational dynamic can recur across different partners, where it's learned, and what actually changes it.
Read the articleFor fathers and high-conflict separations
How to respond to provocative messages from an ex
A practical method for replying to messages designed to provoke a reaction: what needs an answer, what doesn't, and how to reply without feeding the fire.
Read the articleDocumentation versus rumination in a high-conflict separation
Keeping records can genuinely protect you. It can also become a consuming habit. Where the line sits, and how to stay on the right side of it.
Read the articleMy wife wants a divorce: what should I do first?
What to do, and what to hold off on, in the first days after being told a marriage is ending.
Read the articleHealing and rebuilding
Challenging self-blame: a guided workbook
A short workbook for separating what was actually yours from what got handed to you by habit, with guided writing exercises.
Download the workbookDrive link — replace with a Squarespace asset URL before publishing.
Who am I after divorce?
Divorce ends roles, not just a relationship. What identity loss actually involves, and how rebuilding a sense of self works in practice.
Read the articleLoneliness after divorce
Why men's social worlds thin out after divorce, why it tends to peak a year or more in, and what realistically rebuilds connection.
Read the articleAnger, shame and grief after separation
The feelings men report most after separation and process least, and how each one actually moves through.
Read the articleDating again after a high-conflict relationship
How to know whether you're ready, why familiar dynamics pull, and what going slow actually means in practice.
Read the articleRecommended books and further reading
External resources, not written or hosted by us.
Coercive Control, Evan Stark
The foundational academic text on coercive control as an ongoing pattern rather than a series of incidents. Dense, and worth the effort.
View the bookThe Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk
On how trauma lives in the body and the nervous system, and why talk alone often isn't enough to shift it.
View the bookNo Visible Bruises, Rachel Louise Snyder
Investigative journalism on domestic violence that includes men's experiences and challenges assumptions about who can be harmed.
View the bookThe Mankind Initiative (UK)
A UK charity providing information and a helpline specifically for men affected by domestic abuse.
Visit the websiteIf you need help now
In an emergency, or if you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000. These services are free and answer around the clock.
- Lifeline 13 11 14Crisis support and suicide prevention
- MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78Counselling and support for men
- 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732Family violence and sexual assault counselling
- Men's Referral Service 1300 766 491For men concerned about their own behaviour
Not sure where to start?
These are a starting point for reading alone. If you'd rather talk to someone, Steady is a free fortnightly call for men navigating all of this, one hour, online, no cost, no pitch.
Join a Steady call